


Reflecting

by DRHPaints



Series: Willy and Suzy [5]
Category: Bill Hader - Fandom, The To Do List (2013)
Genre: Angst, Ex Sex, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Hair-pulling, Halloween Costumes, Heavy Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up, Smut, Spanking, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:35:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26988349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DRHPaints/pseuds/DRHPaints
Summary: Six months after their break up, Willy steels himself to go see Suzy and let out some of the things left unsaid.
Relationships: Willy McLean/Original Female Character
Series: Willy and Suzy [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1969177
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	Reflecting

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pockets_full_of_posies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pockets_full_of_posies/gifts).



> Credit for this series concept and some of the lines in this work go to pockets_full_of_posies to whom this fic is gifted. Check out their writing, you won’t regret it!
> 
> This is the final installment of the series. Thanks to any and all who read it!

Peering out over the pool, Willy rested his heels up on the manager stand and sighed. Halfway through July, and his eyes still searched for Suzy, hoping she might stop by. Not to see him, of course, but maybe just to swim. To lay out in the sun. To offer a friendly wave, a smile passing between them that couldn’t contain the year and a half of their lives they spent together.

Willy knew if he were particularly desperate he could go to the grocery store. And that first month the urge was nearly irresistible. Sometimes he would drive by, see her car parked out front, and fantasies would spin in his mind. Leaving a sweet note on her windshield. Going through her line buying chocolates and flowers, only to hand them over to her with a grin. Waiting for her shift to end and surprising her with a song he wrote for the bass during that first week after the break up that Willy was deeply embarrassed by and would never let anyone hear. 

But Willy recognized all of those options were silly, at best. As much as he missed Suzy, missed the way she laughed with her entire body, face scrunching and clutching her belly, never restricting her mirth. Missed the funny look she got on her face when she was writing and couldn’t think of a word, staring off into space, brow furrowed and lips puckered, one hand always held aloft, fingers grasping in the air as if she could catch it. Missed touching her, how Suzy would start out tense beneath him, then sink into a puddle of urgent neediness, inhibitions shed and limbs clinging as he brought her to the precipice of her desire.

Regardless, Willy knew he and Suzy weren’t right for one another. There was always something just a hair off, like when a car gets a flat tire and you're forced to drive on the spare. That peripheral uneasiness that alerted them both things were unbalanced. 

Lives on different trajectories, Willy could see where Suzy was headed, even if it wasn’t certain how she would get there. As for himself, Willy tried not to think about it. The idea of his future upset him. And in his avoidance, it crept up, tapping Willy on the shoulder insistently, whispering his age, then speaking, and now shouting as forty rested on the horizon and he looked back on his life with nothing to show for himself.

After leaving Suzy’s, Willy got a job making sandwiches. It wasn’t much, and he rebelled against the idea of wearing a uniform everyday, but for almost six months he managed to hold it down, going part time so he could resume his duties at the pool. Plus, it didn’t hurt that it came with a free meal for each shift.

After flitting between different couches for a month, Willy and Derrick rented a crummy apartment, and he was amazed how difficult it was to sleep alone. Willy would catch himself waking up with his large hand groping at an empty side of the bed, and he noticed he had far more bad dreams than he ever did previously. Or maybe he didn’t remember the time before Suzy clearly and they were always there. Either way, Willy would sit up gasping, bitter at the cold sheets as he hugged a pillow to himself, knowing sleep was an unlikely companion.

Willy went on a handful of dates, even got laid a couple of times, but it didn’t go anywhere. Mainly younger women he got high with, only to fool around and then find out they had little or nothing in common. Or Willy would try to start something more significant, suggest a real date, and they would look at him strangely, as if to say: _Uhh, that’s not what I want from you, buddy._

Returning home after a day at the pool during which the screaming of the children drilled into his brain stem, Willy made the masochistic choice of smoking a bowl and pulling out his box of photos.

Willy realized almost the entirety of the pictures between him and Suzy were from the first six months of their relationship. He could tell by her hair, as Suzy cut off a few inches and added bangs the following Spring. Willy thought they looked happy. Thought Suzy looked happy. She was smiling, right? There wasn’t that heavy, shadowed sense around her eyes that appeared once they got the apartment and the worry lines never seemed to leave the corners of her mouth.

Unearthing a picture of them from Halloween, Willy chuckled. They went as Gomez and Morticia Addams, but Willy’s tall body was squeezed into the skin-tight dress, black wig hanging down over the white makeup caked over the stubble Suzy insisted he shouldn’t shave.

Cigar balanced between her fingers, Suzy beamed up at him from under her eyeliner moustache, drowning in one of his suits as they made a tango pose for the camera. Willy had no idea who took the photo. He didn’t even remember much of the party. But getting ready in Suzy’s bathroom, that he recalled with perfect clarity.

Wiggling into the dress, Willy frowned at himself in front of the mirror. “Damn, I make an _ugly_ woman.” He giggled, shaking his head.

Suzy playfully shoved him. “You do not!” Draping her arms over his broad shoulders, Suzy grinned up at him in her crisp white shirt and slacks. Well, they were actually Willy’s, unknotted tie slung about her neck. “You’re so sexy, Willy.”

“Pssh.” Willy took her by the waist. “You’re just trying to butter me up to get under my skirt.”

Chuckling, Suzy nodded. “Exactly.” Willy caught her lips, weaving their tongues together as his hands crept to her ass, but Suzy pushed on his chest. “Now, none of that.” She smiled. “Sit down so I can do your makeup.”

Willy found her expression of concentration endlessly amusing as Suzy hovered before him and she kept telling him to _hold still_ as he giggled his way through the application process. 

Eventually, after attacking his face with numerous powders, tubes, and tools, Suzy stepped back to admire her handiwork. “Okay.” She clapped a little. “Come look.”

Standing, Willy turned to the mirror and his cobalt eyes went wide. “ _Whoa…_ ” Unsure exactly how she accomplished it, Suzy highlighted his cheekbones and jawline in a way he never witnessed before, his lips a deep blood red, and his lids sporting a severe cat eye.

“Alright…” Corners of his mouth downturned appraisingly, Willy nodded. “I guess I’m not totally hideous.”

Arms wrapping around him from behind, Suzy smiled at their reflection. “You got that right.” 

Her hand started to creep up the high slit above his left thigh and Willy giggled. “What’re you doing there?”

Fingers ghosting over the bundle of his crotch, wearing briefs for the first time in he-didn’t-know-how-long because boxers would peek out of the dress, Suzy got on her toes and took his earlobe between her teeth. “Trick or treat.”

Rolling his eyes, Willy shook his head before taking her face in both hands, joining their lips. Willy didn’t know if it was the dress, or the makeup, or maybe just him, but something ignited a fire in Suzy. They walked backward toward the bedroom, only making it a few steps before her fingers slunk into his long, silky hair and she dragged him down with her to the floor.

“Oh...okay.” They laughed as they tumbled together. 

Suzy’s mouth moved against him urgently, hand tugging his cock and hips grinding forward. “Fuck me.” 

It was decidedly strange for him to kneel back and take off her trousers before hiking up his own skirt, but Suzy couldn’t get him inside fast enough, legs locking behind him and corralling Willy’s body to her own. Fingers fiddling her clit, Willy was nailing her into the floor when Suzy broke their kiss, tapping his vast shoulder. “I wanna get on top.”

“Alright.” Willy made his eyebrows dance, grinning as he scooped her up and flipped over. Instantly Suzy tossed her head back and bounced on his thick cock, screaming like a banshee as Willy slammed into her, spinning vigorously over her clit. “ _Willy! Yes! Fuck me! Yes! Willy!”_ Suzy cried, and Willy was surprised when her body began flickering around him and Suzy started to drag her hips rapidly back and forth. Resting a palm against his chest, the other hand reached up to firmly yank his hair.

They never really did any rough stuff, so Willy raised an eyebrow at her. Suzy constricted around him, body folding forward as she quivered and clawed at the fabric of his dress. Pelvis rising from the floor, Willy’s cock barreled into her and he wove his free hand into her hair, cradling Suzy’s head close. “Hey, Suzy?” Willy asked cautiously between panted breaths.

”Yes, Willy? _Yes…_ ” He couldn’t tell if she were responding or exclaiming at that point, but he bit his lip as he drove deep inside.

“Do you…” Swallowing, he twiddled her clit faster. “You want me to spank you?”

“Oh fuck, _yes_!” Suzy nodded enthusiastically. Willy raised a timid hand, cupping the flesh of her ass. “ _Harder!”_ Suzy demanded as she rode him with a fury. 

Wide palm lifting, Willy cracked it over her asscheek and Suzy gasped with delight. “ _Fuck! Yes! Willy! Again!”_

Bending down, she took two handfuls of his hair, snatching and hauling him up until their foreheads met as the outline of Willy’s fingers glowed on her skin. “ _Fuck! Willy! I’m cumming! Fuck! FUCK!_ ” Screaming, Suzy’s body stopped jumping, knees weaving in and out as she violently shook, eyes rolled back, face half smeared with his makeup, looking like some kind of demon as she rotated herself on his massive cock.

Pressure overwhelming, Willy writhed beneath her. “ _Oh Suzy! Oh fuck! You’re gonna make me cum!”_ Heels kicking over the floor, Willy whimpered, breath catching twice as his hands scrambled at her thighs and his neck arched. With a groan that rolled into a whine, Willy’s hips leapt, pulse after pulse of cum filling her as he shuddered, string of expletives tumbling from his painted lips.

Breath shallow, Suzy eventually climbed off and had to redo his makeup, making them half an hour late for the party, but they didn’t care. That night, face scrubbed and in a far more comfortable t-shirt and boxers, just this side of tipsy, Willy and Suzy crawled into bed. 

“Damn, that was really hot in the hallway today, Suz.” Willy squeezed an arm around her waist.

“Of course it was.” Suzy smirked, combing back his dark tendrils. “I have a sexy wife, don’t I?” She reached around to pinch Willy’s little ass and he giggled, shaking his head. 

Comfortably quiet for a moment, his fingers trickled up and down her side. “Hey, what do you think about that, anyway?”

“About what?” Suzy tilted her head.

“You know…” Willy lifted a broad shoulder. “Weddings and marriage and stuff. Not like…” Shifting his eyes away, Willy swallowed. “Just in general, I mean.”

Sighing, Suzy shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I haven’t thought about it much to be honest.” Her green eyes met his and Suzy smiled. “Might be nice though.”

“Yeah.” Willy grinned. “Could be.”

That was the only time they discussed it. When Willy carried the last of his things from the apartment on that day in January that seemed especially frigid just to mock him, he closed the trunk and climbed behind the wheel. Slipping the key into the ignition in hopes his ancient sedan would start, Willy paused. Reaching over, he opened the glovebox. 

Willy stared at the small velvet box. He couldn’t bring himself to open it. Not then. He knew it contained his grandmother’s ring. Knew it sat in the glovebox since before Thanksgiving. Knew it was a bandage too tiny for the gaping wound slashed between Suzy and himself.

Lowering the costumed picture, Willy’s eyes were wet and he sighed. “ _Fuck_.” Willy put away the photo box and slogged into bed, thoughts swirling before sleep claimed him.

***

Deathly hot, Suzy blasted the AC as she drove home from the grocery store, sweat soaking into her uniform shirt, not for the first time that day. As she rounded the corner to her apartment, she nearly jerked the wheel into an oncoming car.

Willy stood leaning against his unmistakable clunker in the shade, parked outside of her building. Rolling to a stop, Suzy took a deep breath, slinging her purse over her shoulder as she approached. 

“Hey…”

Nodding, Willy lifted a hand in a wave. “Hey.”

Silent, Suzy could feel the perspiration trickling down her back and didn’t know how much of it was to blame on the August weather and how much on finding Willy waiting for her.

“So, um…” He finally said, crossing his arms and looking down at his sandals. “I...if you’re not too busy, um…” Willy chewed on his lower lip. “I’d like to talk to you. If that’s okay.” Continuing to stare at the ground, Willy gritted his teeth and his jaw flexed. “I just...have some things to say.”

“Oh.” Nodding slowly, Suzy swallowed. “Okay. Let’s...let’s go inside.”

Willy followed her and entering the apartment building was like getting punched in the teeth. The scent of the mold rising off the hallway carpets. The sight of the varied, numerous stains. The texture of the peeling paint on the railing as they climbed up to the third floor. Willy was flabbergasted that such an awful place should drown him in such palpable nostalgia. But to be fair, where he lived now was as bad, if not worse.

Suzy unlocked her door and immediately turned on the window AC unit full blast. Willy remembered the handful of nights during a roasting heat wave when they weren't able to get enough air down the hall to the bedroom, even with two strategically placed fans, so they hauled their pillows and blankets into the living room, sleeping on the floor in their underwear and too warm to touch anything other than their fingertips together.

“Would you like something to drink?” Suzy offered, making her way to the fridge.

“Water’s fine.” Hands in the pockets of his shorts, it was strange to be awkwardly standing and shifting his weight back and forth, not to be able to come inside, flop down wherever he pleased. But not as strange as being within arm’s length of Suzy and not being able to touch her.

Passing him a glass, they stood and sipped in silence. Willy tried not to listen to the prompts his mind floated his way. _No men’s shoes by the door. Only one dirty plate in the sink. Her finger’s still bare. So at least…_

Willy reminded himself that wasn’t why he came. That wasn’t the goal. He knew better than that. Tossing back another swallow, he steeled himself. _You came this far. You can’t just stand in her kitchen drinking water._

“So, um…” Willy set down his glass, large hands resting on the counter. “I...I wanted to come and tell you…” Clearing his throat, Willy glanced off to the side. “That I’m sorry. I, um…” He furrowed his brow, and when he continued his voice was a bit higher than normal. “I don’t know if I ever said it when we were together. And if I did...I probably didn’t say it often enough.” Nose flaring, Willy let his hands drop to his sides before slipping them back in his pockets, still not able to meet Suzy’s eye.

“Oh, Willy, I…” Mouth hanging open, Suzy shook her head. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

Oceanic eyes locking into her own, Willy’s tone was flat. “We both know that’s not true.”

Suzy stared back at him quietly for a moment before swallowing. “Well...I...I mean, I did...I’m sorry, too…” Suzy replied softly, head hanging.

“For what?” Willy blinked at her.

Lifting a shoulder, Suzy forced herself to look into those dark blue eyes that held a plethora of emotion and memory. “For…” She let out a slow breath. “For letting things drag on. I mean…” Voice barely above a whisper, Suzy had to shift her gaze. “I knew it wasn’t working for a long time…”

Willy nodded heavily. “Me too.” The whirring air conditioner was all that could be heard as they both studied the floor tiles. “But…” Persisting despite the tightness in his throat, Willy’s voice broke a little. “It wasn’t all bad. Was it?” Over the last few months, Willy’s mind often told him it was. Painted a bleak, hopeless image of their relationship, loveless and fraught with strife. And in the dark, lonely hours, Willy struggled not to believe that was the case.

“No.” Suzy shook her head, ghost of a smile playing over her lips. “We had a lot of good times. And…” Her hand fidgeted at her hip, and Suzy nodded. “You were really good to me, Willy. You…” Blinking rapidly, Suzy rubbed her elbow with the opposite arm. “You were good at loving me. It was just…” Lip quivering, Suzy’s voice thickened. “For whatever reason, we just...we just didn’t fit.”

Nodding, Willy wiped his face. “Um…” Eyes on the ceiling, his mouth hung open for a moment. “Thank you. For saying that. That…” Swallowing, he bobbed his head. “It means a lot because I didn’t…” Tears welling up, Willy paused to let out a shuddering breath. “I felt like I failed at loving you every day.”

Curling in on himself, Willy covered his face, wishing he could breathe, wishing the tears would stop, wishing he was anywhere else other than crying in front of his ex-girlfriend in her kitchen when she probably wanted him to leave so she could relax after work.

Suzy’s arms encircled him and she guided Willy’s head to her shoulder. “Willy, no…” Suzy whispered, rubbing his broad back. “Every day we were together…” Squeezing him, Suzy’s tears fell onto his shirt. “I knew I was loved.” Allowing his hands to drop to her waist, Willy sobbed into her neck, his tall frame shaking as his stubble chafed her cheek. “We just…” Fingers winding into his silky hair, Suzy leaned against him and sighed. “We’re not right for each other.”

Calming slightly, Willy sniffed, nodding. “I know.” He closed his arms around her, inhaling Suzy’s scent that reminded him of citrus and watching the autumn sunset. “I still miss you, though.”

Suzy could feel his heartbeat radiating through to her chest. “Me too.”

Willy’s lips met her neck. Suzy kissed his strong jaw. Mouths meeting, they shared a salty kiss, sinking into one another softly for a moment before both of Willy’s large hands came up to urgently grip her face as Suzy tugged him close, nodding against each other as they stumbled backward toward the bedroom, hands clawing and eyes weeping.

Once through the threshold, they slowed, parting. Suzy took a step back from him, peeling her shirt overhead. Locked into one another’s eyes, they disrobed and stood before one another, naked, all flaws exposed and both aware there were no apologies, no explanations necessary as they met on the bed.

Lips fusing, Willy remembered their first time. Excited, nervous and giddy, Suzy’s body foreign to him, a fresh parchment to be mapped. Now she lay before him, familiar terrain as his fingers trickled down her body and came to rest between her thighs.

That first night they came together, bodies broken and bruised. It was the same now, but the injuries throbbed unseen. A little hurt here, a bleeding gash there, as hands tenderly caressed aching flesh and they made allowances for one another’s pain.

Willy’s hard cock thrust against her, and Suzy thought over all the empty nights over the last six months, the forlorn wanting of his weight on top of her as she lay in her bed, hugging a pillow to herself, wishing there was a way they could make it work.

Rocking into his touch, Suzy wedged her arm between them, taking Willy’s cock and guiding him inside. Willy let out a stuttering gasp. He almost forgot. Almost forgot how it felt to be inside of her, to be so deeply sheathed in Suzy that all of the thoughts, all of the anxieties that constantly crept on the edge of his consciousness scurried away, frightened off by the warmth of her being and the glory of their united flesh.

Hips rolling, a thousand words rose in Willy’s throat and he shoved them all down, drowning them with a moan as he claimed Suzy’s mouth, knowing it wasn’t his to keep, but maybe, just maybe, he could take her for tonight.

Suzy drove herself onto Willy’s thick cock, heat roiling in the base of her stomach already as he swiveled inside and her nails dug into his expansive shoulders. 

“ _Willy...Willy_ …” She cried, everything else she wanted to say useless, hopeless, as her body fluttered around him and Willy’s strong arm slithered under her back, folding her in. 

She constricted around him and Willy whimpered, toes kicking at the sheets before he shook his head, coming to his knees and bringing Suzy with him. Sitting back, he draped her legs over his hips and face to face they pulsed, Willy’s thumb rubbing her clit as he fought to keep her in focus.

Cobalt eyes sparkling, Willy’s nose flared, brow pleading as Suzy gazed into his handsome face, her hands caressing his stubbled jaw. Those eyes held depths Suzy feared she never began to plumb in their time together. Heavy. Haunted. Scared as they stared not at her, but into her while she ground herself above him.

“ _Suzy…_ ” Willy uttered her name as though he were reminding himself of what it was, as though he needed to identify the image hovering before him, to verify its reality and convince himself that the woman he thought lost to him forever was indeed undulating in his arms.

Resting her forehead to his, Lucy bore down rapidly, screams rising. Suddenly Willy’s hand shot up to her chin, holding her face away from himself as the storm threatened on the horizon.

“Look at me…” Voice shattered, his eyes darted over her feverishly. “ _Look at me, Suzy.”_

Nodding, she strained to keep her lids open as her body tensed, a gasping cry flinging her lips apart before she quaked over Willy.

A stuttering hum slipped out of him as he writhed beneath her. Willy stopped moving, Suzy’s aftershocks still cinching around him as he forced air into his lungs and watched the world piece itself back together around her.

Eyes coming back, Suzy wended her fingers into his dark locks and began to bounce, but Willy touched a hand to her hip, shaking his head. He knew he couldn't make it last forever. But he could draw it out as they sat on the bed, bodies linked and breathing.

Sapphire gaze penetrating, Willy grasped her hips. “Suzy…” Pink lips parted, it threatened to tear him apart if he didn’t say it. Willy would regret it. It would hurt. But the words were held in for so long they turned to acid on his tongue and he had no choice but to spit them out.

“I love you.”

Suzy looked at him for a long time. Willy didn’t expect her to say it back. Didn’t want her to, even. But Suzy’s eyes fell shut, and her chin tipped down before she folded forward, a wet exhale breaking from her body as her head rested on his chest. 

“I love you, Willy.” Her voice trembled. Fingers digging into the back of his neck, Suzy shook her head against him. “But I don’t want to…”

Willy’s strong arms enveloped her and he pressed a kiss to her hair. Rolling her onto her back, Willy brushed the errant scarlet strands from her face where they stuck to the tears. Quivering lips kissed her cheeks as Willy began rotating inside of her once more, hand flowing down to coax between her thighs as he hastened his movements. 

Suzy thrashed beneath him, sobbing moans dripping from her lips as Willy mercifully quickened his pace. 

“ _Suzy...Suzy…_ ” Willy whined as he grew uncoordinated and she began to flex around him once more.

“ _Willy…_ ” Suzy breathed.

Crashing over the cliff together, they plummeted, uncertain of where they might land as their bodies shivered and they called one another’s names into the darkness.

Willy wanted to stay inside, wanted to pepper her face with kisses and have giggly pillow talk until the sun came up, but as Suzy’s emerald eyes stared up at him, he knew that time was gone. Parting, they sat up on the bed and for a moment they were strangers, bodies unfamiliar and afraid to speak.

Hand inching across the sheets to cover hers, Willy blinked and swallowed. “I won’t come back.” Willy wasn’t reassuring Suzy. He was making a promise to himself.

Suzy just nodded. Anything else and she knew she would leave the door open a crack, and they both accepted it was time for things to close.

Willy dressed. Suzy couldn’t watch him leave, facing the wall. 

Pausing, Willy rested a hand on the doorframe of her bedroom, not turning back. “I’ll always love you.”

Tears streamed down her face as Suzy heard his soft footfalls proceed down the hall. Fishing in his pocket, Willy retrieved his keys. In his haste, and perhaps in some distant hope, he never returned the one to Suzy’s apartment after locking up and leaving on that bitingly cold day back in January. Unhooking it, Willy placed it on Suzy’s counter, fingers touching the small piece of metal for a moment before walking out of the home and the life they once shared forever.

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read! If you enjoyed this story, please leave a comment or come say hi on tumblr at fandomtransmandom. I also take requests!


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